Sacrifice of a monster
by SilvertonguedClotpole
Summary: When Loki is mortally wounded, he and Thor have just moments to say goodbye, but can Odin do anything about that? And at what cost?
1. Forgive me

**For this fic, I imagine Loki to have had a case of Stockholm syndrome (sort of), where Thanos twisted his emotions until he couldn't tell what was right from wrong anymore- just a bit of background there.**

**And also, background, there has been a war on Asgard for a week or so and this is the end of it, you can make up in your own head who/what the attackers were. :)**

Loki didn't really have time to think, it all happened so fast, but he wouldn't have had it any other way. Seeing the last attacker heading straight towards his fallen brother, he jumped up and raced over before Thor could be hurt. The knife was aimed directly at Thor's heart and would have killed him within seconds. If he'd had more time, Loki would have pushed Thor out of the way and fallen from harm's reach himself, but because the thunderer was on the floor, he would not have been able to. Crashing to his knees in front of the fallen prince, he had just moments before he'd have been too late and Thor would have been killed. The attacker could not change his course and so plunged the small but sharp dagger straight into Loki's chest. With a cry of pain, he flung his own dagger into the man's head who died instantly.

"No." Thor said in a whisper full of shock and disbelief as Loki fell backwards into his open arms. "Guards, get a healer here now!" He shouted.

"There are none sire." A scared servant replied.

"What? Why?" Thor thundered back, rumbles echoing across Asgard as if in response to his anger.

"They are either dead or tending to other warriors my lord. We lost many of them in the battles."

"How many remain?"

"Just 5 my lord, and they are too far away to help." The servant was openly sweating and working their hands in fear.

"Send for one anyway...NOW!" Thor knew Loki had little time left, and so turned his attention on his brother.

Finding the entry point was harder than he thought it would be, for the blood was so great, it hid the wound. The knife had somehow been removed, whether it was by the attacker or Loki, but now sat inches away from the bloodied body. It had entered his chest and there was no doubt it had pierced his left lung, Thor did not need to be a healer to realise that. Turning Loki's body round in his arms so he cradled him over his crossed legs, Thor held him close. The weaker prince grabbed the front of Thor's armour and held it in a vice like grip, which grew in strength everytime a new wave of pain hit him. Blood was already dripping from his mouth and gurgled in his throat as he tried to breath. His breathing itself was raspy, already he was wheezing and could only take short, quick breaths, definitely not enough to get the air he needed into his lungs.

"Thor...?" Loki's voice was small and carried every evidence of the pain he was in. "I'm sorry..."

"Sorry for what Loki?" Thor tucked a small strand of hair behind Loki's ear and proceeded to move the rest of what had fallen on his face, sticking to the tears, blood and sweat. He then moved his hand over the wound and pressed down as hard as he dared, in order to stem the blood flow.

"For everything. For being me. I became the monster I was scared of, I became the thing I never wanted to be. I was so angry when I found out what I was that it kept me awake at night thinking I would become just like the Jotuns; blood thirsty, war mongers wanting power and everyone to bow down before them. I tried everything to get away from that but I still became one, I took a different path thinking it would lead me to a better life and it brought me right back to where I had always been. My place. I should never have been so stupid to think I could change who I was..."

"Loki." Thor said in a sympathetic tone.

"No Thor. I was a coward. I could not see what was right in front of me; a wonderful home, a happy life..." He looked up into Thor's eyes for the first time, fresh tears threatening to spill over. "...a loving family."

Loki took in a longer breath but creased up in agony. Thor placed more pressure onto the wound, but was scared he would damage Loki's chest more. The younger man began coughing violently, bringing fresh blood to his lips; already his face was deathly pale, his eyes were dark and sunken, and he shook, tremours racking his body. But he continued, Loki had always been determined, and not even dying would stop him.

"I was so scared. I did things I regret and I would never do them again. Then I did the thing I never thought I would do, I ran, I gave up. Hanging from the Bifrost I realised I would never feel right here. So I let go. I let go of everything; my life, my memories, you...and I did not care the fall would kill me, I just knew I could not last one day remembering what I had done. And it did not even take away the pain. I fell and fell and then _he_ got his hands on me. I just wanted death to come and he wouldn't let me die. He would torture me day in and day out until I was on the brink of death and you know what he would do...?"

Thor shook his head, worried the moment he spoke he would burst into tears.

"...He would make sure I was on the brink of death and then leave me to heal, knowing my body would be repaired by the next morning. And then he would start over again. One time I did slip into Hela's kingdom and he dragged me right back out moments later."

"Hela's Kingdom? Why not Valhalla?"

"Monsters do not go to Valhalla, Thor. There is no excuse for what I did on Midgard, I was a monster. He turned me against the world, used my paranoia to make you all my enemies. He took my anger and stretched it until I would do as he commanded, not seeing the destruction I was causing and the pain I was dealing out. That person you fought on Midgard was me, but it was the manipulated devil of me, my inner emotions turned into darkness. And I am sorry I allowed him to do that, I was obviously weaker than I thought."

"No Loki. _He_ was the monster, it was him who made you the person I fought against. Anyone would have broken under his torture, even father himself. I do not blame you, yes you angered me, and I wanted to see you locked away, but not once did hate cross my mind. I could not hate you."

Pain flared once again in Loki's face and he drew his head closer to Thor's chest, sobbing lightly into the now blood stained metal. It was a miracle he was managing to speak as much as he was given he had so little oxygen in his lungs, but he had always been stronger than he looked.

"Please apologize to the Avengers for me, tell them I would change everything if I could. I do not want them to think of me as that person, that monster."

It upset Thor deep down in his heart how often Loki was calling himself a monster, his brother was everything but so. "I promise, when I see them I shall tell them everything. I shall tell them the happy times we spent together and all the memories of when you were a hero, but most of all I shall tell them how you were the best brother I could ever have asked for." That was the first time Thor had called Loki 'brother' since his return to Asgard, and recognition showed in Loki's eyes. He was dumbfounded for a few seconds.

"Brother..." Loki whispered.

"Yes. The two Odinsons. The most annoying, reckless, mischievous pair Asgard has ever and will ever see. You remember what I said to you once? I will always be here for you, I will never let you go and shall not let any harm come to you." He pulled Loki closer and rested his chin on his brother's head, but not before kissing it. "I am so sorry I failed you. I did not do my job and I regret that the most. I mean it now, everything I said I mean...but I need you to hold on, because if you let go again, I won't be able to protect you, so stay with me Loki...please!"

Thor was now openly crying and did not even see Frigga, Jane and Selvig make their way up to the pair, standing a little behind to give them space. They had been told to stay away from the fighting, much to Frigga's annoyance, and had now emerged knowing all danger was gone.

"I am sorry Doctor Selvig. I never meant to use you as my weapon." Loki spoke up which only brought on a fresh bout of pain.

Thor turned and noticed the small group, tear filled eyes, and acknowledged Selvig nod. "I am sure you had your reasons." Anger lightly showing in his words.

"Aye, that my brother did. I need to explain things to you and my fellow Avengers once this is over. My brother was not quite behind all of his actions on Midgard." Thor added a firm stare towards his friends to get his point across that no-one was to attack his brother through words.

Loki shifted again in agony and squeezed Thor's front even more, pain clearly showing in his yell that now echoed around the great hall. Thor shrunk in on himself to create a cocoon like feel around Loki's shaking form, stroking his back where his hand held onto him. Loki's outstretched legs began kicking against the pain and he tried to fold in on himself, but caused more injury by doing so.

"Do not move brother. You will only agitate the wound more. I promise you, help is almost here. Just hold on." Thor knew Loki would not last long now, his eyes were barely open slits and his mouth hung open, grasping for the air it was not being allowed. He swallowed, his throat dry and hoarse, but began coughing again when more blood made it's way into his mouth.

"I know you will be a great King brother. You are strong, brave, courageous and know how to treat your people well. I thought you not ready all those years ago, but now I know that you are. Asgard is lucky to have you. As is Jane." Loki swallowed again, his voice now losing all bravado it had before. "Jane...look after him..."

"I shall Loki. I only wish I could have gotten to know you better." Strangely, she was crying and turned into Selvig's arms for support as she knew the inevitable was about to come.

"Tell mother I love her..."

"She knows Loki."

Loki shuddered in Thor's arms and began to still, now staring up towards the grand ceilings of the hall. "Thor...?"

"Mmhhmm." Thor's lip quivered from grief and it was all he could do to hold the complete breakdown he knew was coming.

"Always remember...I love you."

"And I you Loki. I will always love you. Always and forever."

Loki smiled lightly against the pain and one final tear streaked it's way from the corner of his eye, down his cheek and onto Thor's hand. The prince fell still. Reaching up, Thor used his un-bloodied hand to close the now vacant eyes of his brother.

Loki Odinson, the second Prince of Asgard...was dead.


	2. Begin Again

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Thor roared to the skies and thunder and lightning burst all over Asgard, not stopping.

Pulling Loki's body to his own, Thor let his head fall onto Loki's chest and proceeded to hug the body like a child would hug a teddy. Tightening the grip, he never thought he would let go of his brother again. Thor had not cried like this since being a small child, it was like when you lost your pet, or you hurt yourself and thought the world was over. Only this time his 'pet' had been Loki, and the hurt was not something the healers could take away, it was in his heart and would never go away; to Thor, right now, the world might as well be over.

The body was suddenly pulled from his grasp and he reached out to grab it back when he met the firm gaze of his Father. The last few months had left Odin weak and near death, with little strength to even fight the wars that plagued Asgard. Now he stood, pale, in front of Thor, holding Loki in his arms.

"Please do not take him away yet. Father I beg of you..."

"Hush my child."

Odin carried Loki over to the sacrificial stone alter that held their gifts to the elders and placed him atop of it.

"I know that you shall be a great King Thor, and an even greater one with Loki by your side. Find a wife, stay close to your Midgardian friends and rule this kingdom better than myself." Odin nodded to Frigga, something must have been discussed before hand, for she made no movement to stop him or say anything to him, their peace must already have been made.

"Father...? I do not understand." Thor's mind was full of denial. His father was near death but he could still get a few months with his family, to teach Thor what he needed and to prepare his people.

Odin held onto Loki's head and chest and began incanting words of a long known spell. It was knowledge that the King did not have the magic Loki possessed, but every AllFather held the gift of life for one person, though it came at a cost.

Light grew around Odin and entwined down his arms like snakes or ribbons, before attaching to Loki's body, collecting mainly around his wound and heart. Odin stopped the incantation and allowed the power to flow around the two Aesir. Loki's body twitched and he began to fit under Odin's grip, before he burst awake, taking in one long deep breath. His back arched and he held onto Odin's hands as pain coursed through his body.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a pained voice.

Odin did not respond, only to force more energy from his own life onto Loki.

"What are you doing!?" He repeated, shouting this time, but not of anger, but of hurt, confusion and fear. Fear, knowing that what was about to happen would not end good for one of them, however many times he slandered Odin and his choices, he did not want to lose the man he had called father.

"I have failed you too many times my son, I will not let one of my stupid mistakes ruin your life anymore. I took you from Jotunheim because I saw potential in you, to be a brave and great Prince. But not just because of that, when I picked you up, I saw love, I felt love. You looked up to me and changed your form, you became my son on that spot. You did not deserve death then and you most definitely do not deserve it now. I am proud to call you my son. Now...live and help your brother rule this Kingdom."

More energy flowed down the AllFather's arms and onto his youngest son. Loki's face was already looking much healthier and his breathing was much more it's usual rate. The prince did not feel he deserved this, he had done wrong so many times that his only punishment was death, and yet here he was, being ripped once more from Hela's kingdom.

"No! Stop it. Please Odin. I can heal myself from now on...we can both live. Please! Stop!" He was crying now. "I do not want you to die."

"Remember you are my sons and I love you." A tear escaped Odin's eye and he smiled down at his son, before looking up to meet Thor's gaze. "Both of you."

One final surge of power spread between the pair, Loki screamed in agony, the yell even blocking out the sound of Thor's thunder. Against the pain, Loki begged more and more for Odin to stop, he knew he had the power to heal himself from now on and both he and his father could live. In a matter of seconds, the light faded, Loki's screams stopped and Odin collapsed onto the floor beside the stone alter. Loki laid still and silent, just staring once again at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath and come to his senses of what had just happened. The tears still fell without a sound, with his fists balled, he tried his best to keep whatever emotions were running through him contained. No-one else moved, frozen in a state of shock as they looked upon Loki struggling to stay composed; Odin's form was out of sight, which they all were grateful for.

Loki finally turned his head and looked upon his father's form, which was scarily peaceful; there was no pain or disgrace on his face, his limbs were not in awkward positions and there was still a slight trace of the smile he had died with on his lips. Rolling off the alter, he fell to his knees beside his father.

It finally hit him what had happened and his heart broke into more pieces than he ever thought possible for the man laying in front of him. "NO!" He screamed at the form and shook him, hoping he would somehow awaken. "NO! Do not do this to me...please...there is so much you need to teach me, so much I need to apologize for. Please father...PLEASE!" He continued shaking the form and screamed his rage up to the heavens, just as Thor had done holding him.

Thor watched as Loki broke down over his father's body. Whilst Odin had worked on Loki, Frigga had walked over to Thor and wrapped her arms in his, reassuring the young prince that Odin's time had come. This was the same position they were now stood, watching, as all of Loki's repressed feelings burst forth into a mass of sobbing, screaming and hyperventilating. Not being able to stand anymore, Thor ran forward and pulled his brother from his father's body and held him, holding him closer than he ever had done before. He did not even attempt to stop the crying, there would be no point, and so he joined in with his brother's trauma. In less that 4 years he had lost his brother 2 times, then again in less than half an hour he had lost both his brother and his father and now he was not going to let him go again, he was going to protect him even if his own life was the thing to save him. Breaking down into fits of sobs, angry screams and hitting (mainly from Loki trying to get his anger out by attacking Thor's chest), the two brothers reverted back into their childhood ways, holding on close to each other, letting all of their fears and worries go, and trying to calm one another, just as they had done years ago after nightmares and ghost stories. Back then when nothing had tarnished their innocence, and they knew nothing of the bloodloss they would witness and inflict, back when they did not know the pain they would go through, back then...when their father was alive.

The two brothers held onto each other for a long time, letting everything go, not caring who was around to see. The two most dignified men of Asgard were reduced to tears, and soon the rest of the realm would join them, after hearing their King was dead. Nothing was said about what story would be told, nothing was said about if Loki should carry out the rest of his punishment or if he had been forgiven, but now was not the time. It would take days for the family to grieve, and years to fully get over the event, and so right now, all involved were excused.

As Loki and Thor held each other close, still sat on the floor besides their father's peaceful form, the elder smiled slightly. "One good thing brother..." he didn't really wait for a response, "...is that you can be there to tell my stories to the Avengers with me. I shall allow you to tell the maidens in wedding dresses tale, I know you like that one."

Chuckling lightly to himself despite the grief he felt, he looked down to see his brother had done something he had not done since being around the age of 10; he had fallen asleep in his arms.

**Thank you for reading. It was just a random thought I felt I had to put down and I hope you enjoyed it. :)**


End file.
